Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
