I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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