So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
