I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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