my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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