I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
