Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
