you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
