I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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