I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
