apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
