The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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