would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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