so let's talk penis.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
