Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
