At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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