This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
