i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
