Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
