Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize