for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
