put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
