I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
