Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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