You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
