dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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