We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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