I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
