on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize