i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
