Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
