im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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