community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
