Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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