Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize