Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As shirtless as possible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
