lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The power of my boobs compel you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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