thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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