It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
