we have pet lesbian snakes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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