I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
