i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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