I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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