I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
