I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
