operation have a gay friend backfired
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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