how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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