hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
