Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
