My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
