I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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