i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
