Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
