i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
