FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
