I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
