You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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