We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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