He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
