Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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