i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
