haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
