; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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