Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
