rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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