I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i will never coherently bang her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
