i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love you. Go after that dick
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
