He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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