When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
