You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
