Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
