Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
