i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize