WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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