God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
