she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
