Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
